Made me laugh!

[outkast]

A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager In front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!' Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says,

'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

[psymon]

Excellent !!!

[alan_k]

Good one Dave.

Alan

[dantheman]

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that that

was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they

weren't strong enough to nick one.

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife

didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was

a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was

expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it,

put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in

the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next

to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held

the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which

point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could

continue counting on his other hand.

[dantheman]

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub and each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Scotsman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAST*RD!!!"

[gallar]

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman.

To you the start of a joke, to Hamas a hostage situation

[togsie]

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub and each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Scotsman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAST*RD!!!"

..... and Whitters rescued it, nurtured and fed it, then released it back into the wild when it was fit to fly and rejoin it's little friends.

Sorry but you would have needed to be on the course in France to get that one.

Regards

Togsie

[edwardc]

I thought it was funny anyway Ken.

Eddie

[coggie49]

Me to, thanks Ken I had forgotten that.

Dave

[buzzin_bazz]

A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager In front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!' Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says,

'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

[dantheman]

[gordon_dunn]

Just on the topic of road signs...... here are a few clinkers....