Made me laugh!!

[martinbg]

Found on PPRUNE forum (professional pilots forum)

I have 2 dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco.

Whilst I was standing in the queue at the checkout a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was, by now, enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind the woman asking all the questions.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls when a car hit me.

I thought one guy was having a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??

[norman]

Martin,

Very good, I'll use it soon on my friends.

Do you have a cat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMXCuW9LDps

[admin (Simon W)]

Forgive the jumping in and editing your code mate

SW

[norman]

'Sokay matey! I think we wuz both hacking away at it at one stage. What did I miss?

[admin (Simon W)]

I saw http://youtube.blahblahblah inside the correct brackets and changed it to http://www.youtube.blahblahblahblah

SW

[weesplat]

Aw Norman that is so much like real life though my cat forgoes the bat and just waits till you open your mouth to breath then shoves its paw in. Bit disconcerting the first couple of times to say the least.

Chers Col......

[dantheman]

Me and me mate walked into a pet shop in Dingle and headed to the

bird section and Gerry says to me, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over

and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat box up

dere," says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Gerry and meself paid for the birds, left the shop and got into

Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and

says, "Dis looks like a grand place. Stu was telling me about it" He

took two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps

off the cliff.

Oi watched as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the

bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of

his best pal, Oi shook me head and said, "Fook dat. Dis budgie

jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"

THERE'S MORE...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the

pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another

cardboard box in one hand and a gun in the other.

"Hi dere, watch dis," Seamus says.

He took a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws

himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as

half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus

continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and

breaks every bone in his body, even his tick head. Paddy shakes his

head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Oi was just getting over the shock of losing me two friends when Sean

appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of

which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the

cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks

his spine.

Once more Oi shakes me head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry

with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... and now Sean

and his fook'n hengliding!"

[martinbg]