Aviation humour

[alan_k]

With apologies to those who have seen these before. A bit of light relief for those not flying due to weather, work, wife or whatever...........

Gripe sheets filled out by Quantas pilots,

P=the problem logged by the pilot, S=the solution and action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, exept auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative. (my favourite)

S: IFF always inoperative in O-F-F mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (my 2nd favourite)

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took away hammer from midget.

Fly for fun,

Alan

[mhumphries]

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Hi all - brand new 'newbie' here and looking forward to joining the flock (or is there a more correct collective noun - ZOOM? BUZZ? WHIZ?).

Anyway, is Target Radar available on the new A380?

ATB, Mark