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‎'Phone rings, woman answers.

Pervert with heavy breathing says, 'I bet you have a tight arse, with no hair.'

Woman replies 'Yes, he's watching the football. Who shall I say is calling?'?? ....

I grabbed a ball out of my son's room, and started having a kick around in the garden.

"What the hell "are you doing?" shrieked my wife.

"Playing with Matthew's ball." I replied, nonchalantly.

"Well at least take the hamster out of it first!"...

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